Every week, Renova members send their questions to Nasim, and she answers them in a live Q&A. This week's questions came from members starting the tools part of the program: which dilators to buy, when to use a wand or the Kiwi, and how to choose a lubricant.
Below are the questions members asked, with Nasim's answers. Each question has been rewritten without names or personal details. This is general education, not medical advice.
Key Takeaways
The material of a dilator matters more than the brand.
Skip wax dilators. Medical plastic works, and medical silicone is usually the most comfortable.
Silicone tools need water-based or oil-based lubricant, never silicone-based.
Choose the dilator set that feels least intimidating to you. Calming your nervous system comes first.
Dilators are for building comfort with insertion. A wand reaches deeper muscles, and the Kiwi works on the outside and at the entrance.
Read the ingredient list on any lubricant and look past the top shelf.
What Is the Best Dilator Brand?
Focus on the material, not the brand. The material makes the biggest difference to comfort, safety and how consistently you can use the set. What is available also depends on where you live, so knowing how materials compare helps you choose from your local options.
Are Wax Dilators a Good Choice?
Nasim does not recommend them:
Sizes jump: the steps between sizes are bigger than in other sets.
Texture: the surface can feel grainy, almost like sandpaper, especially with dryness or hormonal changes.
No handle: holding one is like holding a candle. It can slip and is hard to move.
Most women who start with wax end up buying another set, so it is better to invest in a material you can stay with.
Are Plastic Dilators Safe to Use?
Yes. Medical plastic is non-porous, so it cannot introduce bacteria as long as you wash it with soap and water. You can use it with any lubricant: water-based, oil-based or silicone-based.
The downside is that plastic is firmer, so your tissue has to work harder, and some women find it feels cold. If plastic is what you can get, it still works well. Go a little slower:
Relax your pelvic floor and do external releases before you begin.
Wrap the dilator in a warm cloth for a minute, then add lubricant.
Do Magnetic Dilators Work?
Some plastic dilators have a magnetic core and claim to balance muscle tone and reduce tension. There is not enough evidence to support this. Nasim also advises against inserting anything magnetic into the body, so she does not recommend them.
Why Are Silicone Dilators Recommended?
Medical silicone is Nasim's first choice. It is soft and bendy, so it works gently with your tissue and makes gradual insertion more comfortable. Like plastic, it is non-porous and safe when cleaned with soap and water. An unscented soap is least irritating.
One rule matters: use only water-based or oil-based lubricant with silicone. Silicone-based lubricant breaks down silicone tools over time and makes them unsafe to insert.
For external work on the outer layer of the pelvic floor, an oil-based vulva moisturizer such as coconut oil works well. Vaseline is fine on the outside only. Never use it inside the vagina, because the vagina cannot clear it properly and it can lead to infection.
Which Dilator Shape Is Best?
Both common shapes can get you to your goal:
Curved with a pointed tip: starts at about the size of a pinky finger, with a gradual increase in width. This gives a softer, gentler practice.
Rounded tip: the width increases more quickly, especially in larger sizes. This shape is closer to a tampon, finger, speculum or penis, so practice feels more realistic.
If you want a gradual start, the curved shape is gentler. You can always buy a second set later for more realistic practice.
How Do You Choose the Right Dilator Set?
Pick the set that looks and feels least intimidating to you. The main organ you are working with is your brain, and calming your nervous system comes first. Staying consistent with one set matters more than its shape.
Get comfortable with it before you use it. Keep it where you see it often, bring it into your relaxation space and breathing practice, and hold it while you watch TV or read.
You don't need to reach the largest size. If your goal is a tampon or a speculum exam, you are building toward the middle sizes. If your goal is intercourse, know that human tissue is more flexible than any dilator, so penetration often feels more comfortable than the largest dilator did.
Not sure how to prepare before you start? Read how to get your body ready for dilator work.
Dilator, Wand or Kiwi: Which Tool Do You Need?
It depends on your goal:
Dilators: start here if insertion is your main goal.
Wand: for releasing tension and desensitizing tight muscles, inside and outside. Wands are firmer than dilators and reach the deeper pelvic floor muscles. Many women move to a wand once insertion feels easier. Silicone feels softer than plastic.
Kiwi: a silicone tool with front and back vibration. Vibration helps calm sensitive or painful spots. Its broad surfaces work on outside muscles such as the glutes, inner thighs, hamstrings and the area between the vagina and anus. It only goes in about two knuckles deep, to the ring of muscles at the entrance.
The Kiwi suits pain at the entrance, such as vestibulodynia or vulvodynia, and anyone anxious about going deeper. A wand does everything the Kiwi does and also reaches the deeper muscles. You can start with one tool and add others over time.
How Do You Choose a Lubricant?
Match it to your tool: water-based or oil-based for silicone, any type for plastic.
Read the ingredient list: avoid ingredients that irritate the vulva.
Look past the top shelf: brands on the top shelf are often there because they can pay for it. Check the middle and bottom shelves too.
Choose a thicker texture: a watery lubricant drips off your tool and dries out quickly.
For example, see the lubricants on our Recommended Products page. They are available in North America, Europe and many other regions.
